Aggression in Relationships: What You can Do About it

Relationship aggression can happen, even in long-distance relationships. Aggression usually happens when someone doesn’t want to show empathy and wants to “win” their argument no matter the cost. It is done by narcissists and some bullies, but it can sometimes happen when people are frustrated.

Aggressive communication makes people feel like they’re victims, and it can be bad for relationships.

Is there anything you can do about this though? Well, there is, and here, we’ll go over what you can do when aggressive communication shows up, whether through text messages, or other forms of communication.

Ask What’s Needed

Sometimes, you need to ask what’s needed. Sometimes, part of the reason why aggression happens is because something wasn’t said, and one of the biggest reasons for upsets is communication issues, which we’ll go into later on.

Stop expecting your partner to be a mind reader, or you assuming what your partner wants, and instead, ask what is needed. If there was a broken agreement, ensure that you understand that the needs weren’t met, so try to fix it as needed.

Calmly Work on Talking about This

Try to calmly work it out with them. While it can be hard, especially if there is a lot of aggression there, working to talk this out in a way where you both can benefit is really good for you.

Sometimes, talking to your partner without the same level of aggression, and instead of working to talk in the same tone of voice will help to mitigate the aggression.  While it doesn’t work in all cases, sometimes keeping a cool head, and staying calm prevents you from falling into the same trap.

Listen to What Needs to Be Said

When dealing with aggression, especially from a partner, listen to what the other person needs to tell you.

One of the biggest reasons for miscommunication is not listening to what your partner has to say, and this can blow up in your face. If you’re not listening, it communicates that you don’t care, and if your partner is aggressive because they weren’t acknowledged, it causes issues down the line.

Listening to them, asking them to express their needs and wants, is healthy communication, and make sure that you do pay attention.

Recognize the Needs

If the aggression is due to a need not met, recognize the need isn’t met. Perhaps it’s not just your fault, but theirs too.

When needs aren’t met in relationships, this causes contempt to form, and upsets and anger form as well.

It’s important to understand that we all have needs, so express them when needed, and if a need isn’t met, get that handled fast.

Sit down And Ask What’s Wrong

Sometimes the aggression is due to external forces. If that’s the case, you can sit down and ask what’s going on. Maybe your partner is under a lot of stress, is depressed, or anxious, and asking them what’s going on is a good way to talk. It also can disperse aggression if you know that there is something bothering them. Handling it now helps prevent mishaps down the road.

When Dealing with Narcissistic Aggression

When dealing with narcissistic aggression, first and foremost recognize it. Also, take a look at what your relationship is creating in you. It may be time that you handle the underlying issues of the relationship, not just, of course, the aggression.

If you do notice your partner getting aggressive, or notice aggression, handling it is important to do. A good place to start is Mind Diagnostics since they have a lot of materials on the subject.

Aggression happens, and sometimes it’s due to communication issues. Other times it’s a lot deeper than that, and you owe it to yourself to better understand what’s going on, and how to properly handle this too.

Marie Miguel

Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health-related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.